


love is rare, life is strange

by kitnkabootle



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, F/M, Letters, Not Canon Compliant, Phone Calls & Telephones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 03:19:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10068794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitnkabootle/pseuds/kitnkabootle
Summary: Bernie never returned from Kiev and it was three years before Serena heard from her again. This marks the journey their friendship took from there.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the lyrics of a beautiful song called "Old Friend" - the lyrics in the version I used to listen to had the pronouns her and were sung by a female so I liked them even better but this version is so gorgeous I can't help but link it.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gg3oef9LwM&spfreload=10

**/-/ August, 2019**

A letter arrives in Serena’s post box at the end of a long, relatively uneventful summer. The corners are worn, the paper yellowed in places and smudged from what was obviously a lengthy trip. Despite the missing return address, the postmarks and stamps indicate it’s come from out of the country.

She nudges her fingers beneath the flap, tears at the paper and pulls out the letter that is written in such an unexpectedly familiar scrawl that the wind is knocked out of her. She hasn't seen that handwriting in years.

 _Serena,_ _I know it's taken me quite awhile to write this, I'm sorry for not contacting you sooner. Text messages and emails seemed too impersonal and I've always been afraid you wouldn't answer my calls…_

Serena stops reading, the paper trembles within her hands and she feels her eyes prickle with emotion. She hasn't heard from Berenice Wolfe since she left for the Ukraine. Gone on secondment for what was meant to be months but she'd stayed on, despite emails asking for her return, permanently.

That was 3 years ago now. Three years of silence all coming to an end in the blink of an eye with the arrival of this letter. Serena feels it like an old wound opening back up. She wants to tear up the letter in spite. She wants to watch the paper burn, to steal the remaining memories of Bernie Wolfe along with it. But she knows she can't. She reads each word lining the page both front and back several times.

Bernie is apologetic. She misses Serena, says things have not been the same without her. She had never before had a friend like her and has never had one since.

 _A friend_ , Serena scoffs at the word. Still the letter is genuine, kind, if a little desperate. Bernie explains that she is living in Scotland, up in the highlands now working for a small country hospital. She asks if she can call Serena, if they can talk about what happened.

_How has she been? How is Jason? How are things at Holby?_

She leaves her number and her address at the bottom of the sheet along the paper’s edge. She can read the words ' _I would so like to hear your voice again'_ though it's in brackets and crossed out.

Serena thinks she won't call Bernie. Too much water under the bridge, too much time and space between them. If Bernie had wanted to make amends she could have done so years ago. Why now? What's compelled her so suddenly to extend the rather old fashioned olive branch? No, Serena decides quite firmly, no she won't call.

But to both of their surprise, she does.

**/-/ March, 2020**

They talk on the phone now, at least once a month. They're both busy with their respective lives and they’re both still gainfully employed surgeons which means long and unpredictable hours. They've caught up on each other’s lives. They're caught up on the many adventures that have taken place in the vast expanse of time between them. They know most of what has gone on from that fateful moment when Bernie tore from Serena’s grasp and fled Holby for good. They don't talk about that though. Of course the discomfort sometimes snags the conversation and clings in the atmosphere of their phone calls between what’s unspoken. Serena asks if Bernie's dating anyone, and there's a slightly sharper edge in her voice; Bernie hesitates when she asks Serena if she ever sees Robbie anymore.

But barring the discomfort of their own lost chance at romance, they begin to speak rather easily with one another. Serena asks if she's in contact with her children, Bernie admits regrettably that Charlotte hadn't ever come around but that Cam sends the odd email and occasional phone call. Bernie asks how Elinor and Jason are and Serena tells them that they're both fine. Ellie’s a reportive journalist now for a production team that makes documentaries and Jason’s still working at Holby, very happy with his girlfriend. They raise butterflies together and release them into the wild. Bernie laughs at that, genuinely pleased for them and Serena can't help but wish she could see Bernie’s widely spreading smile and crinkly eyes.

**/-/ January, 2022**

Bernie and Serena decide to spend Bernie's birthday together. Serena sets aside her work schedule and plans to make a whole trip of it. She'll meet Bernie in Scotland, see where Bernie's living and stay in her guest room.

Bernie's so excited to have her that she redoes her entire cottage for the months leading up to it. She is so immersed in DIY that she thinks she could write a book on it by this point. There are new carpets, the wood floors have been refinished, every room has been repainted. She's redone parts of the kitchen, replaced the appliances. She spends hours with the woman at the bedding shop to buy the best bedding for her guest room in hopes that the room will be comfortable and aesthetically pleasing.

It’s three days before her birthday and she's stocking her wine rack with Shiraz of varying vintages and vineyards when she gets the call from Serena.

“I'm so sorry.”

Three surgeons down at Holby has put an end to Serena's vacation plans. She sounds so disappointed that Bernie doesn't have the heart it let her own disappointment show through. Instead she tells Serena that she's also been called into work, that she wouldn't have had much time really anyways. Serena seems comforted by it and that makes it easier to keep up the charade for the remainder of the call.

But Bernie doesn't spend her birthday working, she spends it at home in her perfectly redone cottage, quite alone with a bottle of Shiraz that tastes far too bitter.

**/-/ March, 2022**

Serena calls Bernie with utter excitement when she gets the invitation in the mail.

“I can't believe he's settling down! This girl must be special,” Serena coos over the phone to Bernie, still holding the save the date for the marriage of Cameron Dunn and Sarah Gable. There's no answer on the other end of the line and Serena thinks the phone has lost reception. She says ‘hello’ several times until Bernie finally says, “I'm here” so quietly that Serena can hardly hear her.

“Are you okay Bernie?” she asks cautiously, setting the invitation down and giving her full undivided attention to her friend. Bernie takes in a ragged breath on the other end of the line and says, “I had no idea. I haven't received anything.”

Serena is shocked. Surely he would have told his mother by phone straight away about something so important.

But Serena reassures Bernie, optimistic and gentle,“It'll be the post Bernie. You're in Scotland, I'm just an hour from where this was posted from. I'm sure it'll come any day.”

The invitation does eventually come but it does little to lift Bernie's spirits.

**/-/ July, 2022**

It takes awhile but Bernie comes around and is actually happy for Cameron. He had thought she had seen his wedding announcement message to her on Facebook, but Bernie never checks it and had missed it.

Bernie meets Sarah and likes her from the off. She's shy and sweet and looks at Cameron like he hangs the moon. Bernie thinks he's chosen well despite his wanting to settle down at such a young age which she has always warned against.

“Mom, I'm not going to discover I'm gay suddenly,” he says to her over the kitchen counter when they're alone one morning. She’s been telling him that he could wait, that they could still be happy together without the marriage contract.

Bernie's eyes widen and for a moment she doesn't know what to say. He reaches across and closes his hand over hers, “I'm not rushing into this. I'm not being trapped into this. I just found the woman of my dreams a lot sooner than most.”

Bernie looks down at their hands then back up at him and smiles gently. Bernie knows the minute she met the woman of her dreams and the minute she lost her because they replay on a never ending loop inside her mind. She doesn’t want this for her son.

Serena ends up having to decline the invitation because of mandatory training seminar that she's been contracted for. Bernie proudly attends, she even ties Cameron’s tie in the vestibule. She sees Marcus and his new wife, a tall blond (unsurprisingly) and she offers them a polite nod when she sits down beside them. She sets a second program on the seat beside her where she’d have expected Serena to sit, if she’d been able to come, and cries a little during the ceremony, though she doesn't let anyone see and covers it well.

**/-/ October, 2022**

Serena starts seeing someone. His name is Darren. He's divorced, the father of two grown children. He is kind and good natured and sometimes he makes Serena laugh. But it's not serious and neither seems ready for a commitment.

When Bernie calls her with news that she's doing a stint at a hospital in Ireland for a couple of months, Serena thinks she'll tell Bernie about the new development in her life. But an hour long conversation stretches between them and she doesn't say anything.

She breaks up with Darren the next day.

**/-/ January, 2024**

Darren is followed by Kevin, Steve and then Stella. She likes Stella quite a lot, the two have much in common and Stella is very attractive. She has gorgeous snow white hair, she’s in her late fifties and has an eye for fashion. Serena thinks she reminds her a little bit of Carmen Dell’Orefice at times and they certainly get looks when they’re out to dinner together.

But there’s something about her that she doesn’t like, but she can’t put her finger on it.

She tells Bernie about her in one of their phone calls. Says she’s seeing someone and Bernie asks her leading questions until she finally comes out with it.

Bernie’s voice is clipped perhaps, but she is supportive. Serena tells her about all of Stella’s attractive qualities, that she likes spending time with her, that they are well suited in many ways. She then tells Bernie that something is off though and she isn’t sure what.

Bernie tells her she’s probably imagining things.

It isn’t until she hangs up that it finally dawns on her why she can’t bring herself to be a hundred percent satisfied with Stella.

Stella isn’t Bernie.

She breaks up with Stella the next day.

**/-/ May, 2024**

This time on the phone call, Bernie is the one to shyly reveal she is dating someone. Serena is caught off guard because it’s the first time Bernie’s ever brought it up and as far as she knows, the first person Bernie has dated since…

“It's not serious,” Bernie says quite strongly and Serena wonders who it is that she’s trying to convince, Serena or herself.

“Well you never know where things will go, Bernie,” Serena smiles although she feels her eyelashes blink a little more quickly than normal, feels a tightness in her lips.

“Perhaps,” Bernie answers. They don’t discuss Bernie’s date again and Serena never even learns the woman’s name.

**/-/ December, 2024**

Serena meets another man, this time very unexpectedly. Elinor actually introduces them. He’s an army soldier coming back from a tour and Elinor is reporting on army conditions overseas, so he’s an interviewee for a documentary. They conduct the interview at Serena’s house because it is much nicer than Elinor’s and quiet enough to film properly and professionally. While Elinor and her crew are setting up the lighting and cameras in Serena’s sitting room, Serena and Charles strike up a conversation.

Charles is divorced and there were no children. He’s a bit sharp around the edges but Serena likes it. It makes a change from the milk toasts she’s surrounded with on a daily basis. He’s very handsome, very fit and when he asks her to dinner as he’s leaving her home, she can’t help but accept.

After a few weeks of dating, Serena tells Bernie.

“Big macho army man?” Bernie asks after what had been too long of a silence on the other end of the line.

Serena feels herself blush, “Ah yes well, I suppose I have a type.”

“Indeed,” Bernie answers.

Then something comes up and Bernie has to get off the line but she says she’ll call Serena back in an hour. She doesn’t.

**/-/ July, 2025**

Bernie is going to be in London for a short time and she and Serena arrange to meet finally. They decide on lunch near Paddington station because it’s an easy enough train ride for Serena to make and it’s close enough to Bernie’s hotel.

When they see each other across the restaurant, both women freeze. Then slowly, smiles spread across their faces and Bernie edges her way past tables and servers until she’s standing in front of her. She doesn’t look much different, neither of them do. Perhaps they’re a little older than they once were. Bernie still colours her hair in that fetching shade of blond and Serena’s hair is just a bit longer, softer fringe that stops above her eyebrows in the same colour although the hair at her temples has grayed a little.  

They hug, hesitantly at first and Serena moves to pull away first but Bernie holds her tightly, tucks her chin in at her neck a bit. Serena can feel their contact like an electric current running through them. They smile shyly at one another and Bernie clears her throat, holding Serena’s chair out for her.

They talk for hours at the restaurant even though they keep in regular contact on the phone. It feels so different to see each other in person. Serena reveals that she’s let Charles move in with her and can see a flash of shock, perhaps disappointment, light up her friend’s eyes.

Bernie studies the menu when she says offhandedly that she’s just broken up with a woman she was seeing for a few weeks.

“It wasn’t serious,” she says as she taps the edge of the menu and pretends to be interested in it, “but then it never is.”

Lunch turns into dinner, and neither leave the restaurant, though they change tables to be near the fire in two arm chairs that are much more comfortable. They have tea and they share a slice of warm strawberry and rhubarb pie.

Everything feels like it once had and both are absolutely beaming as the afternoon is swallowed by evening. Serena’s mobile is on silent so she misses the five calls from Charles. Bernie hasn’t even brought hers with her because it seldom rings anymore.

“I’ve really missed this,” Bernie says from beneath the fringe that still hangs low over her dark eyes and Serena finds that she longs to brush it away.

She doesn’t though, merely grips her teacup a little tighter and answers, “I have too.”

Finally, they force themselves to their feet when Serena admits that she had told Charles she would be home for dinner. They say slightly awkward goodbyes, neither sure of the appropriate decorum when parting from the-lost-love-of-your-life-turned-friend. Serena lifts her hand to wave a bit and Bernie steps forward and winds her long arms around her, holding her tightly.

“Let’s do this again soon, yes?” Bernie asks into Serena’s floral scarf.

Serena nods and squeezes Bernie back, whispering “Please.”

Serena’s whole body aches on the train ride back to Wyvern. Her eyes are wet, as is her scarf from dabbing at them when she finally gets off on the platform and makes the short drive home.

**/-/ November, 2026**

Serena and Charles have a massive row when Serena finds out that Charles has been unfaithful to her. He accuses her of being a ‘lesbian’ anyway (as though it's an insult) and she tells him to leave and never come back. He’s a little rough with her at the door, shoves her back against the wall before slamming it so hard that the windows rattle.

Her nerves are on edge from the whole experience and she sinks down to the floor, reaching for the mobile in her pocket and calls Bernie in tears.

Bernie talks to her calmly, albeit breathlessly, as she frantically throws some clothes into a suitcase and books the next available flight to London. She’s still talking to Serena when her taxi takes her to the airport and right up until she reaches security.

Bernie takes Serena to Bath for a holiday. She knows Serena could use the time away from her house. Jason had moved out years ago, moved in with his girlfriend at her parents’ house and it had left Serena very much alone again in the family home.

They spend a wonderful week in Bath, Bernie had been kind enough to book separate rooms side by side at a very nice manor estate. They walk around the gardens and talk, spend hours in the living room into the evening playing card games and avoiding topics of conversation like love.

Two weeks after their trip, Serena learns that Charles was transferred rather abruptly overseas on a mission to some horrible corner of a particularly treacherous desert not long after their breakup.

She mentions this to Bernie and Bernie smiles.

“Serves him right,” she says and Serena has to laugh.

Bernie never tells her that the reason Charles had been sent on special assignment was because of the words she’d had with some long time poker-buddies who also happened to be high ranking army officials.

**/-/ October, 2027**

They have made a plan after Bath to meet once a year, no-matter where they are in the world.

They planned to meet in Venice this year, but both Serena and Bernie have to reschedule and the year is over before they find a date that works for both of them.

**/-/ September, 2028**

They meet the following year though, in Paris. They spend two weeks in Montparnasse, relaxing and exploring the cobbled streets together.

Serena hasn’t tried dating again. Bernie hasn’t dated anyone either. They are both free women and are contented with themselves and their choices.

One night after a delicious meal, bread and wine fueling their bellies and warming their cheeks, they walk hand in hand along the Seine.

“Why did we never make a go of it again?” Bernie asks, perhaps a little looser of tongue thanks to the wine.

“I don’t know,” Serena smiles, her cheeks flush even more scarlet at the words, “I guess it was never our time.”

Bernie squeezes Serena’s hand and they stop walking and face each other, “I have been systematically dating Serenas for years and they were never you.”

“What do you mean?” Serena asks, breathlessly.

“I have tried dating women who looked like you, who wore your perfume, who had your laugh, who had a sparkle in their eye that reminded me of you,” Bernie doesn’t look at her then and Serena is reminded of the way she used to do that in their office when the words got too honest or too raw so long ago.

“They were never you Serena,” Bernie sighs, takes Serena’s other hand, “they never could be you.”

Serena waits until Bernie’s eyes meet hers and then she leans in and presses her lips to Bernie’s. There’s no hesitancy in the kiss. They’ve waited too long as it is. There’s only them, only now, only this timeline.

All of the silence, then all of the hours of phone calls between them. All of the lost time that has been allowed to pass without fingers intertwined or mouths moving in tandem against one another, all eclipsed by this moment.

“We missed a trick,” Serena whispers against the side of Bernie’s wet mouth when their lips part, eyes still closed, heaving breaths puffing small clouds of air between them.

“Or it was all leading up to this,” Bernie answers, her teeth grazing Serena’s jaw and her lips searing the skin beneath her earlobe, “we were just waiting for the right time.”

 **/-/  
** End


End file.
